Blog

Sweet Spot

Written by Holly M. Hohlbein Thursday, 16 February 2006 00:00

If someone were to ask me what it is that I do, I would say "I help people through unfamiliar territory." I would tell them that we find our way together across darkened plains lit only by dim fires from other travelers, or the moon. We try to find the light or even the next fork in the road. "Occasionally," I would say, "we find a place on the map that we recognize." Once, the light flicked on, revealing a perfect bull's eye: 3 sharp-tipped darts thrown by feel, without sight or bearings, impossibly landing on the sweet spot. I would tell them about that.

Happy Ending

Written by Holly M. Hohlbein Monday, 07 November 2005 00:00

My middle child went missing yesterday. Fortunately it has a happy ending: she and her friends had taken a "shortcut" which led them to an unfamiliar part of the neighborhood. Darkness fell and they became disoriented. They eventually found their way back, but not before triggering panic among several sets of parents, all of us deeply regretting the freedom we had allowed the girls. It is tempting to think that we can spare our kids suffering and danger if only we form a shield between them and life events that can hurt them. The truth is, we can't. There will always be such things in their lives, and ours too. Instead, we can focus on the teaching potential ("what did you learn about taking shortcuts/going so far at dusk/not taking a cell phone?"). We can also reinforce what went right ("you stayed together/didn't panic/asked directions"). Finally, the aftermath when the crisis has passed can bring waves of indescribable joy as we count our precious blessings. I'd like to tell you that that is how I responded when my kid went missing. Would you believe me?

Completing the Circle

Written by Maggie M. Wyer Thursday, 03 November 2005 00:00

It's what we do! We assist parents in wending their way through a most difficult period in their lives. By their example, parents show their children that there is a different way to resolve disputes. Isn't that what we do for our children, teach in a positive manner? We teach, then we become students. The circle is completed.

Never cut what can be untied

Written by Holly M. Hohlbein Wednesday, 19 October 2005 00:00

Cutting or untying? What are the values of each? When a family separates, we are faced with a complex web of connections that must be disentangled. How best to approach it? Cutting the strands is decisive and finishes the matter once and for all. But, we are left with lots of little pieces that may not be very useful. And, the cutting may leave us feeling shorted (pardon the pun!). Untying takes patience and commitment. But the long, intact strands at the end may be worth it. Are you a cutter or an untier? Which do you wish to be?

Sometimes you SHOULD judge a book by its cover

Written by Holly M. Hohlbein Friday, 14 October 2005 00:00

Recently, a client complimented me on my appearance. I thanked him, but I was a little taken aback. I said to him "lawyers want to know that their clients think they are smart, not attractive." He laughed and said, "you're smart, too." It got me to thinking. As my family law practice has matured over the past 16 years, I have slowly been losing my "lawyer" outfits: all those navy, black and gray skirt or pants suits with white or cream blouses; low-heeled, boring shoes; matronly jewelry. Those outfits are a uniform, like doctors or police officers wear. They say "I am smart and strong and I will protect you." There is some comfort in that. But those outfits can also communicate arrogance: "I am smarter and stronger than you." I know that when I go to the doctor, I feel more comfortable when they are dressed in street clothes like I might wear, than when they are wearing the scary white coats. In the same way, I find that I listen better and my clients relax more when I am not staring them down with my power suit. When we don't have the super hero outfit to rely on, we have to communicate our strength, skill, and confidence to our clients in other, more substantive ways. The next time I saw John, he said, "you look smart today." OK, maybe I coached him a little...

When one door closes, another opens

Written by Maggie M. Wyer Thursday, 06 October 2005 00:00

Dissolution can be one of the most painful, stressful times in a person's life. There is fear of change and the uncertainty of what the future may hold. Nature holds an important lesson for us in times like these; there is renewal after the storm.

We are here to help you and guide you during your dissolution. While I cannot tell you exactly what your future holds, experience has taught me that there will come a day when your current strife takes its place as a memory, and new opportunities arise in your life.

When people ask me why I do what I do, this is what I point to. I help people weather the storm, so that they may find the renewal they deserve.

The Power of Cookies

Written by Holly M. Hohlbein Thursday, 06 October 2005 00:00

No, I am not referring to computer "cookies." I am talking about honest-to-goodness, gooey, yummy, warm-from-the-oven cookies. Cookies are powerful magic. Not only are they comfort food, but they evoke our childhoods when a cookie could wipe away the worst disaster. I have seen warring spouses suspend the battle to offer each other a favorite cookie. I have seen anxious people smile and relax as they chewed a wholesome, crunchy treat. I have been there when people who rode the roller coaster to the end celebrated with pride and relief by "toasting" with a cookie. Every year on their birthdays, I get up early and make my children homemade cookies, the only day of the year they can eat as many cookies as they want for breakfast. Comfort, happiness, security, love: the simple cookie is chock-full. Wow, I am getting really hungry, for COOKIES!!!!!.

Don't Bite

Written by Holly M. Hohlbein Sunday, 25 September 2005 00:00

"Love your enemies is way too hard, she told me. We need a game everyone can win. Like what? I said. How about 'don't bite'?, she said & then she shrugged. I think it's best to start small." -Brian Andreas

I love this sentiment. We can't always rise fully to our highest selves and "love our enemies." But even on those bad days we can usually muster enough height to "not bite." Note to self: This week, try not to bite anyone; if possible, even for a minute or two, try to love at least one unlovable person.

First Step

Written by Holly M. Hohlbein Friday, 23 September 2005 00:00

Law is a healing profession. At least it can be. Abraham Lincoln, one of our country's most noble lawyers, made it his mission to help his family, friends, neighbors, and countrymen heal their wounds and find peace. Finding peace often means growth, pain, and destruction of the old ways to make way for the new. Part of helping others heal is being present for their pain. Practicing collaborative law allows us as lawyers to fully realize ourselves as members of a healing profession. As we transform our practice to a more healing approach, there will be days of wonder and doubt. Welcome to the journey of thousand miles, beginning with this first, single step. May we all have many companions with whom to share our journeys.